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Posts Tagged ‘satire’

Written and read by Ray Mossholder.

 

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This one’s sure to be a hit. Funniest thing I’ve seen in awhile.

 

placeboing

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Not THAT kind of dumb. Actually... yeah, that kind too.

Not THAT kind of dumb. Actually… yeah, that kind too.

 

We’ve all heard it before on the evening news: “Microsoft said¬†‘(fill in the blank).'”¬†

Oh really? When was that, pray tell?

“General Motors commented on how it would cut 1500 jobs by the end of next year.”

Oh, did it now?

“Halliburton has told CBS Evening News that it feels dirty inside and wants to account for its evil deeds by publicly executing Dick Cheney with a dull butter knife.”

It said that, did it?

No. No corporation has ever uttered even one single word, because, as we all know, corporations are dumb.

But, if you listen to the MSM (which I highly discourage), you would think corporations could talk. In fact, they’re talking all the time. Allegedly. But I’m not buying it. Not for a minute.

Which also begs the question: If these corporations are all flapping their big mouths all the time, where exactly are those mouths? Hmmm? Because I would really like to see them.

I’ve tried to find the mouth on a corporation before, but let me tell you – it ain’t easy. Oh, you can walk around the place where these so-called corporations are supposed to live (near the signs with their names on it, I would presume), but you will never, ever see a mouth. Believe me, I’ve tried.

Which begs another question: Where are these corporations living, anyway?? If they have mouths and can talk – then where the heck are their bodies?

Are we supposed to believe that the body of a corporation is the building displaying its name? That would be ridiculous, right? Of course it would.

So if the body is not the building, then where is the body? If we find the body, then I’m pretty sure we’ve found the mouth as well. That’s my strategy, leastways. Someone needs to contact the missing persons department – there’s a lot of corporate “bodies” out there that are MIA. But they still have a lot to say, apparently.

“Allegedly.”

Manpower says “Get back to work, slaves!”

Even countries are getting in on this public statement game. “Russia warns North Korea over threats of nuclear strike.” That’s a recent one. Some claim that government states are corporations too. But again I must ask – where does the body of Russia live so that I can find the mouth that made that statement? Is it the land of Russia itself? If so, then where is the dadgum mouth!?! I see rivers and streams, which can speak a certain language of their own. Wind through the Russian trees might also be considered an utterance. But human language? Nah. Impossible.

My suspicion? I think there’s a big charade going on with this corporation nonsense. I think there are no bodies to be found, and likewise, no mouths. I think that….wait for it…..PEOPLE are making these corporate statements! Just hear me out on this…

It’s radical, I know, but consider the possibility that when the news claims that this or that corporation has made a statement, it’s really people behind the front of the corporation that are talking, NOT the corporation. Let it sink in, folks. We may just be on to something here.

Maybe, just maybe, there are people out there that are using the corporation as some kind of fictional armor to hide behind while they make claims, charges, and ridiculous statements that people otherwise would never make for fear of immediate and severe reprisal.

“BP denies responsibility for Deepwater Horizon oil spill.”

Can you imagine a person saying that, when that person is so blatantly guilty, and his statement so patently false? He would be lynched!

“Exxon says production will rise as spending slows.” Oh really? Then why are fuel prices rising, you wanker? Where’s that rope?

“Coca Cola says sugar tax will not reduce childhood obesity.” That’s right – it won’t, it’s just that Coca Cola sees the tax as cutting into its gargantuan profit margins. And if you think for one second that Coca Cola is not engineered specifically to cause obesity and diabetes, then you just might be a zombie.

“Monsanto says GMOs are safe.” Forget the rope. Where’s my blowtorch?

Corporations are dumber than a box of rocks. Ever heard a rock talk? I rest my case.

As for the other kind of dumb, here’s one for ya: most major corporations support the concept of “gender fluidity.” That’s where a person is whatever gender they “identify” with.

It doesn’t get dumber than that.

 

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He’s a slimy sell-out to special interests and lobbyists… but at least he admits it.

 

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Video by Jerry Day

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